The Clickable Listicle
It may be time to carve out a new genre just for listicles. They’re everywhere. Is it a passing phase or should we turn our academic minds towards the task of dissection and classification? In support of the latter, I would like to present, in the listicle genre, some of the best tropes within this genre.
Is a listicle about listicles redundant?
- Top 10 Reasons to Not Post on Reddit when Stoned
Self-explanatory. I’ll wager 90% of reddit posters are guilty of this one and people love reading about themselves. For those who don’t post, maybe curiousity about reddit may draw them in. Finally, cannabis aficionados will generally click anything about being stoned (especially when they’re stoned).
A list of social media dos, don’ts and other diverse caveats is always a winner. - Four Reasons not to Urinate in Public
It’s screaming comedy inside, come in and smile to all those in need of a laugh (and admit it, we all need a laugh these days). For anyone who would click this not looking for comedy… Really? - The Best Ways to Cook Carpe Diem
After the initial, “Huh,” an insatiable need to know what the fuck could that mean takes over.
Those who love to cook will think there’s some exotic carp dish that has eluded them. Those whose thoughts wax poetic will immediately want to know if literary wisdom lies within. Again, stoners will see the word cook and reflexively click. - Never Do These 4 Things when Chased by Police
Ohhhh, big time dog whistle here! The nice thing with this one is it can be heard by both progressives and conservatives.
Progressive’s expect to see validation that social injustice exists and racism is thriving in our police departments. Conservatives might also believe that validation of their respect for police may exist within. Win, win. - Give Me 5 Reasons not to Eat Broccoli
Yes, the too little used reverse listicle! Immediately engage your reader who, as a human, longs for an argument. They’ll read your article just to prove to themselves they have those 5 reasons (especially moms with young children)!
As you can see, writing listicles is pandering, so find your primary, secondary and even tertiary audience and blow that dog whistle, identify with that group, offer release, let them argue or play with stoners, just make sure you keep your promises.
Now that I think about it, maybe it was Edmond Rostand who created the first listicle (albeit embedded within his play) when Cyrano de Bergerac lists the multitude of ways to insult a nose. So, maybe my detestation of listicles is a bit generic. I promise to judge only on content from now on, no matter how transparent the clickbait may be.
