Why I Can’t Smirk

A smirk is a smile born of the knowledge that you just got away with something. I don’t smirk — ever.

To understand this you must first understand my upbringing. People say that Jews are the greatest at endowing guilt upon their offspring, this may not be totally accurate.

I was born and raised as a Catholic. My experience has convinced me that a Jewish mother is an amateur at imparting guilt upon their offspring when compared with Catholic mothers.

It is because of this constant injection of guilt in my upbringing that I am incapable of the smirk. It’s not…